On Friday morning, about 20 metres from my front door on the way to Brixton tube station, I walked past a young man. As I passed, he said, "Hey gorgeous, wanna be my girlfriend?"
Naturally, I ignored him, as I (and I imagine the majority of women) always do. Sure, it was annoying but it was ultimately harmless and not particularly threatening. It happens all the time. I marched on.
Less than fifteen minutes and four stops on the tube later, just after turning out of the stairs at the exit to the tube at Victoria station, a man grabbed my bum.
I whipped round to see a tall man with dark hair in a khaki jacket scurrying off through the crowds in exactly the opposite direction to the way I was going.
I couldn't believe it.
A blonde lady with a pushchair nearby caught my eye. She'd seen it and asked if I was alright. I was really glad for that, as the previous time no one had seemed to notice.
Ah yes, the previous time. A mere two months earlier. An almost entirely identical incident in almost exactly the same location. It actually made me wonder whether it was the same man.
The difference is that this time I wasn't upset. I. Was. Livid!
Fuming. Raging. I'm not an angry person but I was so angry.
I tweeted, again (and prepared myself for the subsequent barrage of trolling that I got last time). But I didn't report it, go off and cry or even think about it much over the course of the day because it was manic at work and I had so much to do.
But what infuriated me even more was seeing these letters in the paper that very morning:
But I just found it so frustrating that these attitudes persist amongst women!
And OK, I will hold my hands up and say I don't know the ages of the women whose letters were published, but I would put money on them being over 60 - I do some work with the letters desk at the Telegraph and I know for a fact the vast majority of their letters come in from retirees.
And when I posted the picture on Facebook, the comments from my friends - the majority of whom are in their early 20s - further hammered home the generational divide on this issue.
Rowena: "Anyone who talks about the "days of non-PC fun" of 50+ years ago is not to be taken seriously." Rachel: "Ah yes, the days of non-PC fun when you could compliment your secretary's lovely rack without having to worry about pesky 'lawsuits'... Seriously, what is wrong with people!" Amber: "It's a bit sad to think that women used to be happy about being validated on their looks alone and feel like it was a poor day if they hadn't be 'complimented' by a stranger as they liked the way they looked..." Emily: "People aren't 'too PC', we just don't stand for the s**t we used to. F***ing morons. It's part of a bigger problem - starts with a wolf whistle, ends with sexual assault."
Valid points, don't you think?
Now I'm not saying by any means that all older people don't understand sexual harassment - many of my aunties and parents' friends have joined my Facebook outcry - but there's clearly something of a difference in the general view on this matter.
And how could there not be? Today's retired women grew up in a very different age to me and my friends.
But actually what I take away from this is encouraging: if the vast majority of my generation consider sexual harassment in the street as unacceptable, surely that will soon be the dominant view?
I mean... I know, I know: my Facebook friends do not reflect the UK as a whole - I grew up in a very pleasant middle-class bubble, and of course the circle I live now in reflects that - but still, I think there's hope that things will change for the better.
And the more we talk about it, the better. Hence why I am ranting about this subject again and am so thrilled to see more and more of my peers discussing sexual assault.
I implore you to read this post by my friend Hannah, as well as this one by my fantastically feminist friend Emily, oh and I'd also love to draw your attention to the Object Project which aims to highlight and shout about incidents of sexual assault, be that a grope or rape.
None of it is OK.
Because whilst a wolf-whistle from the occasional workman is usually harmless, there have been many times when - especially when alone at night but just as equally in the day - leery comments from male strangers have made me feel very uncomfortable, scared and vulnerable. I hate that when walking through a park alone I feel afraid. And I shouldn't have to. None of us should.
Women make up over half the population! We are not a minority!
Not that I'm saying it would be OK to treat a minority group in such a way. I guess it kind of just makes me sad that there are people, and women especially, who don't see the problem with this kind of behaviour. But like I said, I hope that's changing.
And men, I'm not trying to make you scared to pay a woman any attention lest it come across as sexual harassment, but there is a humongous difference between having a flirt with someone in a bar or at a party when she's been giving you the eye and the vibes, and paying absolutely unwanted attention as a stranger on the street when a gal is just going about her daily life.
Pretty obviously different contexts, wouldn't you say? I don't think it's difficult to understand, and I'm fairly certain all the men I know get it.
But maybe there are in fact women my age who enjoy having crude hand gestures directed at them by men in vans or being cat-called by a group of male builders. Do you? Does it feel flattering? Please do tell me, I'd love to try and understand.
And dear god, if I get groped at Victoria Station AGAIN I am going to hit the roof. And chase down the man, accuse him of sexual assault and see how big and strong he feels then. Ha!
(This picture doesn't really have anything to do with this piece but funnily enough I don't have any that quite fit)
Yesterday was a particularly quiet day at work so I took myself off to our magazine archive for a spot of organising. I was by myself, dancing around to 'Stacy's Mom' as I worked, having a whale of a time.
Less than 24 hours later, however, I was back in the archive. Crying.
Why?
Because I had been groped.
I almost called this post "the time I kind of got sexually assaulted", because I don't want to pretend what happened to me is as serious as what other people have gone through. But the fact of the matter is, it is sexual assault.
Did I invite that man to grope my bum? No I did not.
Here's what happened:
I was particularly excited to be going to work today as I was going to have a go at writing one of the bigger articles in the magazine for the first time.
Having spent a bit too long making breakfast, however, I was cutting it fine to get to work on time. So it was just a few minutes to 10am (yes, that's what time I start work, don't hate me too much) when I hurried out of Victoria tube station.
The walk from the tube to the office takes no more than one minute, and I do it every day. Usually my biggest concern is weaving round the tourists.
This time, however, was different.
When I was just between Starbucks and Superdrug outside Victoria Station, a man came from nowhere, groped my bum, and hurried off so quickly to the right that I only saw him from behind and couldn't say anything.
I was so shocked. I looked around to see if anyone had seen it. Obviously there were lots of people around. I caught eyes with one man but his look didn't suggest he'd seen anything.
So I walked on to work.
I didn't tell my colleagues. What could I say? "Morning guys, nice to see the sun's out again. I've just been sexually assaulted."
I felt upset and shaken-up. Like, how is that OK!?
My initial reaction was to tweet about the incident using the hashtag #everydaysexism. I got a lot of replies from women asking if I was OK, and of course, comments from a sexist man too who I proceeded to block. One of my friends suggested I contact the British Transport Police who immediately tweeted me back saying they take these things very seriously and telling me how I could get in touch.
I wasn't sure what to do or what they could do, but I reported what had happened anyway.
Someone from the British Transport Police called me, took down all the details, and said they'd look into the CCTV. She asked if I wanted it to go down as a formal crime with the potential to be taken to court. I said I'd think about it.
But, I've decided not to take this any further. I don't want to drag this out or make it into a big deal in my life. I want to report it, raise awareness and move on. Because I'm fine. I am. Had it been more serious I'd definitely be taking this further though.
It was unpleasant, uncomfortable, upsetting, it's not OK and it left me unable to focus at work. But I am fine. I've gone from feeling very upset to just thinking FFS.
I called my mum, as a girl does. I didn't know whether to message my girlfriends like "Hey guys I got groped just now. Psyched to party with y'all on Saturday!" I didn't. It's not a big deal. Or is it?
Part of the problem is that I don't know how to react or how I'm supposed to feel.
I know how rife sexual assault is, particularly on public transport. I've read the stats, and that's even considering how much goes unreported.
So to be perfectly honest I feel like "Well it was bound to happen at some point, this happens to everyone." But isn't it just awful that that's the society we live in? It's not right that we should feel that way. And I think the more we speak up about it, the better our chances of changing things.
It was the first day of the year I'd ditched the tights and gone out with bare legs. I don't want to make a link between that and what happened, but it's bloody ridiculous that simply showing a little more flesh means some men think it's OK to grope a woman.
I wasn't wearing a tiny, tight skirt - I was going to work after all - but it shouldn't have mattered if I was anyway. No woman is ever asking for it or inviting unwanted attention by how she dresses, and men need to learn this. I know most do, but some don't.
I know not all men do things like this and I'm sure all the lovely men in my life wouldn't dream of it, but the fact of the matter is it happens a lot, and often much worse.
So what can we - women and men - do to improve the situation? I don't know. But it sure as hell isn't right that women can't go about their daily lives without the fear of being groped or worse. Like I said before, FFS.
UPDATE: I published this post about an hour ago and have already been overwhelmed by the number of messages I've got from girls and women who've had similar experiences. It's disgustingly commonplace and quite frankly we should not have to put up with this shit.
UPDATE 2: I'm also incredibly encouraged by how many of my male friends have messaged me to express their outrage at all this. It's a shame not all of their gender feel the same way.
Have you experienced anything like this? What can we do? Please let me know your thoughts!
I’ll be honest with you, life is not at its most fun ever right now. I don’t like to complain as in the scheme of things, life could be a hell of a lot worse, but my existence is currently highly boring.
Life = revision.
Revision = boring.
Sometimes I take a break from boring revision with a boring gym sesh. Woo.
When you first start revising it’s not too bad. It’s an excuse to treat yourself to new coloured biros and sparkly gel pens, maybe even a selection of highlighters if you’re feeling fancy.
But that novelty wears off. And it wears off fast.
For some reason unbeknown to me, Bristol Uni finishes way later than everyone else. So my facebook newsfeed and snapchat has been full of happy friends celebrating finishing their degrees for a couple of weeks now.
I can’t wait to be them.
Eight days to go. Just eight days to go.
I keep trying to tell myself that the harder I work now the sweeter the post-exams freedom will taste.
It’s the very prospect of ALL the fun that’s going to occur once I’m finished that is seeing me through the final push.
"It's high time to drink Prosecco and dance on the tables"
And boy oh boy, is fun going to occur. In a big way. Said fun will almost definitely commence with a pop, fizz and a clink, because you only finish four years of undergraduate study once, am I right?
The week after finishing finals is essentially going to be like Freshers’ Week all over again. Except this time I’ll be with my best friends, in a city I know (and love) and with a real reason to celebrate.
Here are 31 things I’m super looking forward to doing when I’m finally free:
1. Reading books that aren’t for essays. Books I actually want to read. Books that may just entertain as well as interest me. Books that I won’t have to analyse. (I’ve just purchased Polly Vernon’s ‘Hot Feminist’ which I can’t wait to start!)
2. Listening to British radio. As opposed to the French and German news radio which is all I’ve listened to for the past four years. Is it any wonder I never know any current music? (1D aside, natch.)
3. Going to the cinema. WHY HAVE SO MANY GREAT FILMS COME OUT DURING EXAM TIME!?
4. Shopping. Oh my days, I am so desperate to shop. It’s been too long. And I want new stuff.
5. Going out for lunch and not feeling like I need to rush back to work. Because there will be no work, HUZZAH!
6. Being able to enjoy doing things other than work because there’s no guilt. The guilt I feel as I write this blog is horrendous.
7. Baking. I’ll let you know if I make anything awesome. Get excited.
8. Blogging. Hopefully you might get marginally excited about this too.
9. Doing a million and one blog improvements I’ve been wanting to do for months. Ohhh yes, keep your eyes peeled, friends.
12. Binge-watching all the addictive box-sets I’ve been recommended so many times but have avoided starting for fear of not being able to stop – Game of Thrones, anyone?
13. Going to ALLLL the exercise/dance classes. I usually never go to things like yoga ‘cause ain’t nobody got time for that – I need to work up a sweat and get my heart pumping in my limited exercise time. But after exams I'll have time to do that AND find my inner yogi.
14. Going out out, having a bloody good night and not caring about it getting late because you can sleep all morning if you so desire.
18. Reading the paper. And I mean properly reading it, not just flicking through over breakfast.
19. Cooking elaborate dishes.
20. Making a scrapbook of the year. It's gonna get emosh.
21. Cleaning my room. Srsly. Cannot wait to do this.
22. Spending far too long taking pictures of my breakfast to be instagrammed.
23. Reading blogs. And catching up on weeks’ worth of posts.
24. Curling my hair. Because it’s not like I’ll have anything better to do, am I right?
25. Lying in.
26. Walking anywhere slowly. (I say this, but even post-exams I’m not going to want to waste time walking slowly.)
27. Planning my travels! Yeah, I still need to work out if my dream travel itinerary is actually feasible. And by feasible I mean within the constraints of my savings.
28. Having long phone calls with my faraway friends.
29. Visiting some of them too.
30. Being able to go to some of the cool blog events I’m invited to (funds permitting). Having to decline a press trip to Germany because you’ll be doing German exams at the time is a bit of a bummer.
31. HAVING NOTHING TO DO! The excitement is real. Any other students out there share any of these? Or perhaps you have something else to add to the list? Let me know!
Wednesday evening gave me a taster of what my dream life could one day be like if I only work hard enough.
Having just finished a brilliant work placement at Grazia, I left the office and headed to Getty Images Gallery just off Oxford Street for the magazine's "Meet The Newsmakers" evening - one in a series of amazing events to celebrate Grazia's 10th birthday.
Although I haven't been reading Grazia for the past ten years, I love it - to be fair I was 12 in 2005 and very much still into the likes of Shout and Mizz. Maybe even Girl Talk if I'm honest. But hey, I was a late bloomer.
Grazia has a brilliant way of striking what I think is the perfect balance between 'lighter' subjects like fashion and celeb news, while bringing important world affairs and politics to light too. Grazia's lovely editor Jane Bruton summed it up wonderfully in a recent article when she said:
"If men can be just as passionate about football as 'big issues', where's the contradiction in caring about skirt lengths and world events?"
And the packed-out, captive audience at Meet The Newsmakers proved just how many of us are interested in the news industry.
Ever the keen bean, I arrived early and thus got the chance to peruse Grazia's exhibition (which is free and open to the public in the daytime.) It gives a fascinating look back at the past ten years and how Grazia has moved with the times, as well as looking ahead to the future.
All Grazia's pics
I'd been excited about Meet The Newsmakers for a long time: chaired by Mishal Husain (presenter of Radio 4's Today programme and BBC News ) with a panel of Christina Lamb (Foreign Affairs Correspondent for the Sunday Times), Emily Maitlis (BBC News and Newsnight presenter), Jayne Secker (Sky News presenter) and Sue Turton (Al Jazeera correspondent). Such incredible women with amazing experience.
There were also slightly less snazzy cocktail sausages, and between you and me, they were my faves. But you won't tell, will you?
I also met lots of other lovely people attending the event including Anna Johnson, a young TV presenter who is probably going to be the next Holly Willoughby. You heard it here first.
But it was soon panel time, so we all took our seats and "the biggest female names in news today" made their way to the stage. I was poised to absorb their wisdom.
Over the hour a huge range of interesting topics were discussed. The panel shared insider views, interesting anecdotes and funny stories from when they started out - did you know Emily Maitlis wanted to be a hairdresser as a teenager? Well she did.
It was really interesting to hear about how technology has changed the job of a journalist, both the positives and negatives. "It's become more dangerous. We've become targets," said Christina. And Sue added, "You become part of the frontline, you don't just report it."
The floor was opened to questions from the audience at the end and I was so pleased to get the opportunity to ask the panel's views on the male domination of the news industry. The general consensus was that newspapers are still behind broadcast in this sense - Christina has never had a female editor. "I think women need to be more ballsy," added Jayne.
I simply sat in awe of these funny, smart, inspirational women, trying to soak up some of their talent and work ethic.
One of the most inspiring parts for me was hearing why they do what they do. Here are some of my favourite things that were said.
"I think it's the greatest profession in the world. It teaches you that you can tackle anybody." - Sue.
"It's a real privilege." "You have to be quite nosy, pushy and serious. And bloody determined." - Jayne.
"You can ask anybody anything." "You hope that by telling people's stories you'll change things." - Chris.
"It's adrenalin. You don't know what's going to happen. It's an amazing sense of feeling alive." - Emily.
"Journalism focuses the mind." "I hope I never get over the thrill of this." - Mishal.
I didn't think I could possibly want to be a journalist more, but oops, that happened. How anyone could leave the event NOT wanting to be a journalist is beyond me! What a brilliant, interesting, inspiring evening. It was a real privilege to be there.
What do most of us hope to have achieved by our 21st birthday? Perhaps the skills to cook a decent meal. Moving out of our parents' home, maybe. Or how about the ability to do our laundry without turning white socks pink?
Well, that wasn't quite enough for one young lady. And I warn you in advance, she may leave you feeling slightly inadequate, but most definitely inspired too.
Phoebe Gormley is not your average 20 year old. She is a woman on a mission, a woman full of ambition, and a big inspiration.
Phoebe is the founder of London's first made-to-measure tailors exclusively for women: Gormley & Gamble. "Everyone is always so appalled that we're the first ones to do made-to-measure womenswear exclusively," she tells me. And I, dear readers, was one of the appalled.
At the very trendy Sketch in London (possibly the coolest restaurant I've ever been to), Phoebe filled me in on all things G&G over tea and salted caramel macaroons. This is not a restaurant review, but I have to say both the tea and macaroons were sensational.
Charming, eloquent, passionate and stylish, Phoebe is a fantastic ambassador for her own brand. From her perfectly painted nails to her beautifully-fitted (conveniently) G&G jacket, looking at this young lady gives you the impression she knows a thing or two about style.
"It's quite tedious when all your sleeves end at your elbows"
But Phoebe isn't just about the design. She has mastered every aspect of the business, and it's clear she really knows her stuff, dropping in impressive stats about profit margins without even thinking about it.
Website design, social media, marketing, fitting, sewing, finance... She's had to do it all. There may now be a team of five working at G&G, but at the start it was just Phoebe.
Rewind a few months and Phoebe was in the second year of her degree (Costume Design at Nottingham Trent), unfulfilled and unhappy to stay put.
Having worked with various tailors in her school and uni summer holidays for the past five years, she already knew a lot about the industry and what was out there. "The majority of tailors are 65 year old men, so when I tell people I'm a tailor they're always like 'But you don't look like a 65 year old man!' But actually, when you're young and a woman, a 65 year old man is so open to teaching you everything he knows because he doesn't see you as competition."
I can't help but wonder if Phoebe finds people underestimate her as a result of her youth. "Oh definitely," she responds, "But in all the best possible ways. Because then they tell you all their trade secrets and tricks." I think it says a lot about Phoebe's attitude that she's spun a potential hindrance into an advantage.
Making friends with the Sketch doorman
It was after her first year of uni that the brainwave came to Phoebe. "As a man, you can walk into a tailor and ask for a size 38, extra slim fit, long jacket, but as a woman you can only go into a high street store and get a size 38. It's quite tedious when all your sleeves end at your elbows." Preach, gurl.
"I've taken the biggest leap of my life, and I couldn't be happier"
Like most people, Phoebe presumed there must already exist a tailor for women who made specific cuts and lengths. But market research revealed a gap in the market. Phoebe spotted her niche, realised she could do something pretty awesome and didn't let that idea fester.
Despite having a blooming business idea in her head, Phoebe still went back to uni for her second year. Her degree wasn't stimulating her though: "I was bored and wanted something I could sink my teeth into."
So, instead of putting down a house deposit, Phoebe asked her parents if she could have that money to start up her company. And, after insisting Phoebe write a satisfactory business plan, they eventually said yes. "They actually loved it," Phoebe tells me, almost still with an air of surprise herself.
Once she'd convinced her parents there was no stopping the 20 year old. She'd decided to follow her dream and take a gamble. Hence, Gormley & Gamble.
Fun fact: Phoebe came up with the logo (Gs as scissor-handles) before the name so particularly wanted to find another G. Thus, Gormley & Gamble was born - Phoebe would leave unviersity and risk her house deposit as a start-up fund
Her uni friends were sad to see her go, but supportive. “90%
of my friends didn’t really take it seriously at first. They were just like, ‘Oh,
Pheebs. Another one of her hobbies.’” But It’s safe to say Gormley & Gamble
is seriously a-go-go now.
Phoebe had her ducks in a row and, straight after finishing her second year of uni, packed her bags and moved to London the very next day.
Does she miss any aspects of uni life or regret leaving at all? Phoebe pauses and smiles at me before saying, "Rachel, I'm talking to you in my favourite restaurant in London, having jasmine tea and a salted caramel macaroon... I've taken the biggest leap of my life, and I couldn't be happier." And you can tell she means it.
"You have to be open and willing to learn"
It wasn't all an easy-ride though. Early-on, the tailor she'd chosen to work with backtracked on the cost price he'd given her and Phoebe was left in limbo, daunted and struggling to find a manufacturer. "The ones I've found now though are amazing - they can etch your name round the edge of a button!" Sounds cool, don'tcha think?
One of things that impresses me most about Phoebe is how she learnt all about running a business herself. Was it hard? Apparently not for breezy Phoebe: "I just went onto the Prince's Trust website and downloaded a template for a business plan and just filled it out [she also recommends their four-day course on starting a business]. These things don't have to be as complicated or daunting as everyone thinks they are. You have to be open and willing to learn." She pauses before adding, "and willing to ask."
With the official launch of G&G in February (on Phoebe's 21st birthday, no less), she is currently testing the market. "That's called proving the concept. Then you can go back and refine everything, the packaging, all the external factors you don't really think about. Then, you can have the hard-launch." Told you she knows her stuff.
In a cut-throat industry, your average 20 year old newbie might be worried about being taken seriously by potential clients. Is Phoebe? Of course not. "Although the company has my name in it, it's not about me. If someone wants a good suit, it shouldn't matter whether it comes from a 20 year old or a 65 year old if we're equally passionate."
"All of our fittings come with macaroons and Champagne"
All the clients so far have come through word of mouth. But having already sold to CEOs, the future looks bright for G&G - Phoebe's first client was the CEO of a certain branch of Virgin who had a two-hour fitting the very day her company went public.
"I was terrified. The tailor who was meant to do the fitting with me cancelled that morning so I had to do it myself... and it was absolutely fine." Given that said CEO bought 12 G&G pieces and then set up a direct debit for a suit every month, I think we can assume Phoebe did a good job.
However, G&G's target market isn't CEOs, but rather "the fresh-faced girl to the City." Phoebe's looking at stylish graduates, new to working life and earning, who want to look good but don't have time to trawl the high street.
"Our clients want something that will look good, is convenient, and is a luxury service - all of our fittings come with macaroons and Champagne. The Savile Row tailors do theirs with whisky and cigars, so champagne and macaroons is the whisky and cigars for women."
The clients get to choose their favourite flavour of macaroons in advance too. It seems like Phoebe has thought of everything, and adamantly tells me how important she considers packaging and service to be.
"I didn't want to send [our suits] in a brown cardboard box like Louboutin, I wanted something really personalised which is why each client's packaging has their name on the box. If packaging is nice they'll keep it and then always be reminded of G&G. If I received one of our boxes, I'd Instagram it." I don't think it'll come as any surprise that I would too.
"I don't have time for negative thoughts"
G&G two-pieces start at £400, just less than those from the likes of Reiss and L K Bennett. "That's for our purple label. But then we have our black label which is completely customisable and starts at £600."
For G&G purple label you choose one of six fabrics and your fit. For the black label, however, you choose your fabric, lining, under-collar, button-hole stitching, monogramming, whether you want belt loops, skirt slits, the shape of your cuffs, collar... The list is seemingly endless.
Such a brilliant idea surely needs spreading to the world, and of course, Phoebe has thought about her marketing strategy. I for one love the G&G Instagram, which is full of inspiring quotes "all about working hard and being a woman." (Yes, I'm sharing some of my faves in this very blog post.)
Social media aside, G&G has been going into law and finance firms doing pop-up shops, and Phoebe has attended lots of women's networking events in the City. She's already been super busy so is reluctant to do a huge marketing push yet as they couldn't cope with a huge demand. Relying on word-of-mouth seems to be working though.
"We give clients a priority code which means they and any of their friends can skip the waiting list." And if five of your friends buy a suit using your code, you get a case of Champagne (you lucky lady.)
Phoebe is fast making me wish I had the place for a suit in my life. She shows me a picture of the G&G fitting room which she converted from an old bike shed (seriously.) It is so stylish I want to move in. Forget being an entrepreneur, this is a gal who could be the UK's next top decorator.
The G&G fitting room
Despite going to boarding school, it's clear Phoebe's parents have had a huge influence on her, and I can tell how important they are to her by the way she speaks.
With a successful entrepreneur father, it's all Phoebe has ever known. "I remember, from a very young age, my father would always ask my opinion on things. I don't know if he wanted my opinion or whether he just wanted me to have an interest in business. He knew it was the right path for me."
"People can decide to moan about things but that's their decision"
She's also one of very few people I know who exceed my levels of positivity, drive and general zest for life: "I don't have time for negative thoughts," she tells me. "Whatever it is you're doing, if you have a positive outlook, nothing can really get you down. People can decide to moan about things but that's their decision." She is preaching to the choir.
This is a girl who also knows the value of being bubbly, enthusiastic, friendly, eager and willing to learn when it comes to networking and getting on in business.
"If you're not happy with something, you're the only one who can change it"
"I really believe in Karma," says Phoebe, "A little deed can go a long way and I think people who do well deserve to be praised. I don't know if it's London or England but there is a lot of negative energy. But I just think, why bother? Life is so short, I don't see the point in complaining. If you're not happy with something, you're the only one who can change it."
Phoebe at the City A.M. Entrepreneur of the Year Awards
But even this oh-so-positive young lady isn't cheery all the time, and she knows her weaknesses: finance, panicking for 30 seconds when thrown curveballs and being too trusting.
She's also realistic about competitors. "We don't really have any competition in made-to-measure. Then there's the top designers but their suits aren't often that office-appropriate if you work in the City not at Vogue."
Phoebe knows she's likely to face challenges, but she also knows where she'd like to take G&G, namely to New York, Tokyo and Paris. So basically world domination, I suggest. Phoebe doesn't disagree.
"If you don't throw yourself into it, it's never going to happen"
Currently solely online, Phoebe doesn't envisage a physical G&G shop any time soon, but at the same time she'd love to be the first women's only tailor on Savile Row. "I think Savile Row is dying because there is so much competition for menswear tailors. It's not the same for women. There's nothing customisable at the £400/£500/£600 price point for women's suits."
G&G does already have a spot on Savile Row for fittings, operating out of Holland & Sherry’s head offices, where G&G get their fabrics. I'm unsurprised to hear Phoebe's had various customers buying G&G fittings as presents - who wouldn't love a trip to Savile Row, choosing your suit and enjoying macaroons and Champagne?
Before G&G, Phoebe had done work experience and internships, and now she's her own boss. She gushes with praise about her part-time employee Rasha ("an absolute godsend") who is very hot on the financial side. "I don't think she works for me, I think we work together." G&G also has three interns.
So, what advice would Phoebe give to budding entrepreneurs? "Ok, A) A lot of start-ups now aren't specialist enough. I think it's best to nail one thing and then branch out. If you have an idea, write a business plan. If you can't fill out a whole business plan, you're not set on it."
"B) Don't quit your day job until your idea takes over every second of your free time, if you’d rather sit and watch TV then work on it, you’re not passionate enough."
"C) Network and share your idea with people in the industry. You have to be open to their suggestions, but don't let one person change your course."
"D) Don't be afraid of mishaps and hiccups once you get going. If it was easy, everyone would do it. Have faith in yourself and your idea."
"E) Am I on E yet? If you don't throw yourself into it, it's never going to happen. When I go to work, I don't feel like I'm going to work. I wake up every day with a smile on my face because I know I'm doing something that excites me."
Phoebe's ability to push herself is admirable, and she admits she can be quite ruthless, blunt and honest. "I'm an open book. My spine would be broken if I was a book, I'm readable, not going to lie."
This is a girl who does not do complacency. If she's not enjoying what she's doing, she'll move onto something new. "I remember a time I was really unhappy, stuck at university feeling uninspired" she tells me, "But now, I couldn't be happier."
Two positive gals full of tea and macaroons
Phoebe is confident, enthusiastic and excited - three emotions I feel for her too. Could it be youthful naïvety on both our parts? Maybe, but I don't think so.
Feeling inspired? Find out more about Gormley & Gamble on their website.
I wasn't going to blog about this. I was just going to let it slide, leave it as an amusing anecdote and one of my more-liked facebook statuses. But the more I've thought about the encounter I experienced a couple of days ago, the more it's got me contemplating some serious feminist issues.
It may be because I've just watched the brilliant documentary Blurred Lines: The New Battle of the Sexesbut I'm feeling compelled to share my story with you. Here's what happened:
...
It was nearly 8pm and I was at the market hoping to pick up something delicious for my dinner. I stopped by the African stall and was contemplating getting a portion of their tasty curry while talking to the man serving me. This is a slightly condensed version of our conversation (which was all in French, so he already had the upper hand.)
Me: "Sorry but I think 10€ is a bit too expensive for me." [Why did I feel the need to apologise for that?]
Him: "I could do you a deal. How much do you want to pay?"
Me: "Five euros?"
Him: "I'll do that for you, as a new customer."
Me: "Thanks, that's very kind."
Him: "So, what's your name?"
Me: "Rachel."
Him: [Tells me his name.] "Where are you from?"
Me: "England."
Him: "Do you live round here at the moment?"
Me: "Yeah, not too far."
Him: "What are you doing in Brussels?"
Me: "I'm an intern."
Him: "So how long are you here for?"
Me: "A few more months."
Him: "Do you have a phone number?"
Me: [Quite taken aback at this question.] "Um... Well, no actually. I only have an English one at home." [A lie.]
Him: "Are you married?"
Me: [I was quite shocked at this.] "No."
Him: "Are you engaged?"
Me: "No. But I have a boyfriend at home." [A lie.]
Him: "Is he English or French?"
Me: "English."
Him: "Well I'm still interested..."
[I wasn't sure what to respond to this so didn't say anything.]
Him: "Are you on Facebook?"
Me: "No, actually. It's, um, a question of privacy." [A lie.]
Him: "Do you have an email address?"
Me: "Well only my work one..." [Yet another lie.]
Him: "So you really don't have a phone number?!"
And at that point I paid for my curry, said thank you and left.
...
Afterwards, I felt very shaky, and it wasn't till I'd walked away that I realised how uncomfortable I'd felt. I deliberately made sure not to walk back past his stall, and the ridiculous thing is that I'm now nervous to go back to the market for fear of seeing him again.
At first, it had seemed like an amusing incident. You know, the sort of thing you'd come away from, roll your eyes and think 'Geez, some men don't know how to take a hint', while chuckling to yourself. In fact, after putting the story on facebook I got 50 likes and lots of comments, the majority of which were people expressing their amusement.
And it kind of is funny. Why didn't the man get the hint that I wasn't interested? Ha ha ha. Why did he ask for my phone number again? Ha ha ha.
Except now let's think about it a bit more.
This is not the first time something like that has happened to me, and I'm certainly not the first girl it's happened to. Is it sexism? Does it ever happen the other way round? It's hard to imagine, isn't it?
I only got one facebook comment that seemed to read the incident in a serious way - one female friend suggested I post the story on Everyday Sexism, which I duly did. We can debate what sexism is forever, but this site hasn't half brought the debate to the fore. And it's a great thing too.
However, I think the main thing to take away from this incident is not the way the man acted, but the way I responded.
The day after I posted my facebook status, another friend sent me a link to this blog: Stop Saying "I have a boyfriend"in which the author says women need to stop saying they have boyfriends to fend off unwanted male attention. And I'll admit, it's a line I've used multiple times.
The author says if that's the only line we can use to make men get the hint and back off, then we're essentially saying men "respect another male-bodied person more than they respect your rejection/lack of interest."
I think the article raises a very good point. The thing is, it's easier said than done. And in my case, pretending to have a boyfriend didn't make a difference to the man anyway.
But it made me ask myself, 'Why didn't I feel like I could just say "I'm not interested"'?
In reality, it's not that easy to say that to someone. I wanted to be polite. I hoped that by saying I had a boyfriend the man would stop pushing me and I'd be saved from outright rejecting his advances and making the situation awkward (a very British problem, I'm sure you'll agree.) I should've been confident enough to tell him he was asking far too personal questions. But I wasn't and I didn't.
I may have felt uncomfortable throughout, yet by avoiding bluntly telling him I wasn't interested, I saved him feeling uncomfortable.
Does that seem right?
Is it an ingrained male dominance thing?
Or am I reading too far into this?
You could also say I shouldn't really complain about the way I was spoken to yet still accept the discounted curry. Although he said it was because I was a new customer, I find it hard to believe he'd have been so generous was I an old man. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. More likely is he was trying to butter me up before making his advances. And when I accepted the discount, I - perhaps naively - thought he was just being nice.
And maybe I am guilty of trying to have it all - most times I go to a market I come away with a free passion fruit or a punnet of blueberries that the friendly market stall men have thrown in with the rest of my groceries. But I don 't know if this is because I'm a 21 year old girl, or whether it's just something they do. And what am I supposed to say? "Please remove that passion fruit from my bag, actually. Save your kindness for some other poor student"?
...
Should I just be flattered, thankful for my curry and accept that things like this happen? I mean, I'm sure it was just a harmless (and very poor) attempt at flirting... Or should I read further into this incident and try and reform how I act the next time something similar occurs?
How would you have acted? I'd be keen to know your thoughts so let me know.
'Lovely' and 'wonderful' are two of my favourite adjectives. I am also a fan of books and women.
With that in mind, when I was emailed about The Lovely Book for Wonderful Women the title alone was enough to get my attention, and I was more than happy to do a little review. The book's aim is to inspire happiness which just so happens to be one of the things I set out to do with my blog too. What a perfect match, eh?
The Lovely Book for Wonderful Women (which I'll refer to as TLBFWW from now on) is a little illustrated book by Lehla Eldridge, who I'm told lives up a hill in Italy. I must say that sounds rather lovely indeed.
The book is small and only takes about five minutes to read cover-to-cover but it's the type of book that makes a lovely present. That said, I also think it's a cracker of a loo book. You know, the books you have by the loo, which you just dip into for a minute or two while you're doing your business. Don't pretend you don't have loo books too...
Perhaps when you're having a bit of a pants day and are feeling a bit rubbish, a quick flick through TLBFWW may just be what's needed to lift your mood and allow you to head on out of the loo ready to take on the world once more! Ah, the restorative powers of a loo trip, eh?
"It is full of lovely things to make you smile, laugh, relax and have a good day because you are a wonderful woman." Thank you so much, YOU are a wonderful woman too!
The book is full of pretty pictures and little tips to help you appreciate life. Let's take a peek inside at some examples:
"Write a love letter... even if it is to yourself."
"Buy yourself some new underwear."
"Marvel at what another woman can do."
"Visit an old friend and share stories."
"Perform random acts of love and kindness."
"Sing out loud..."
Granted, there's nothing in there that makes me go, "OMG I'd never thought of that! This is going to change my life!" But even if it doesn't actually affect your actions, it might just bring a smile to your face.
And d'you know what? If you know a wonderful woman who perhaps doesn't realise quite how wonderful she is, receiving TLBFWW might just make her day and help her to do so. Even those of us who seem the most confident need to be told we're wonderful once in a while.
The Lovely Book for Wonderful Women really is lovely and I'm very grateful to have had a sneak peek. From 7th May you can get yourself a copy for £6.99 here. Have fun being wonderful!
I love Twitter. Don’tcha just love Twitter? How did we live without it? In fact, how do all the crazy people who aren’t on Twitter live now? How do they find out breaking news, discover hilarious buzzfeeds, live vicariously through other far more exciting/glamorous/fun people, read social commentary from people far funnier than your actual friends while watching TV, and admire pictures of people’s dinners!? (Well, I suppose there's Instagram for the latter...)
It’s been nearly five years since I jumped on the Twitter bandwagon, and before that, I was a child really. So for me, the concept of life without Twitter seems odd. You may think I’m attaching too much importance to a mere website, but hey, what can I say?
With Twitter, you can essentially create your own magazine/newsfeed/friendship group, and you only have to hear from the people you find interesting. Pretty neat, huh? Not that all my actual friends aren't super interesting. Of course.
Aaaaaand there’s always something new going on! Bored at a bus stop? Twitter! Waiting for the kettle to boil? Twitter! Trying to distract yourself from the fact that you’re exercising while on a stationary bike (just me?)? TWITTER! It's always there for you.
Speaking of, I had a job interview last week (more on that later… maybe. Sorry), and one of the questions I was asked was, ‘Who do I like to follow on Twitter?’ And when put on the spot like that, it wasn’t the easier thing to answer. Naturally, I thought of about a billion better answers afterwards, but that’s always the case with job interviews, isn’t it?
It got me thinking. I follow a lot of different publications for news updates, I follow celebrities, I follow people whose jobs I’d love to have or those who work in industries I’m interested in, but d’you know what? Sometimes I just follow people because they’re funny.
I started compiling a list of my favourite tweeters, and I realised they were pretty much all female. So yeah, let's hear it for the sisterhood!
Today I give you some of my favourite ladies on Twitter. I blatantly will have missed someone off, and if it’s you, I’M REALLY SORRY! But I hope if you don’t already follow this lot you might consider doing so. They’re great. Oh, and do hit me up with other suggestions!
have just had breakfast with a guinea pig. in truth.. he was excellent company. is this what they call the menopause?
— emma freud (@emmafreud) January 12, 2014
4. Positive Troll - @ThPositiveTroll (OK, can't be certain on the gender of this one but I'm including him/her anyway)
You woke up today. You are alive. That, like the sun on the day you planned a BBQ, is a great thing that's not guaranteed. Enjoy it.
— Positive Troll (@ThPositiveTroll) January 11, 2014
Ahhh, that familiar sinking feeling when you realise just as you press send that you signed off a work email to a stranger with "xxx"
— Hadley Freeman (@HadleyFreeman) January 11, 2014
how many times is it appropriate to say ‘what’ before you nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said
— Common White Girl (@CommonWhiteGrls) January 8, 2014
The bit where they go on holiday and it's clearly totally out of season & freezing is definitely my favourite bit of #takemeout
— Caroline Corcoran (@cgcorcoran) January 11, 2014
It's Paddy McGuiness' fault that every time someone says "Lights out", I have to say "All out". I don't even think it means anything.
— Sarah Millican (@SarahMillican75) January 10, 2014
Respect to the person who was bravely transporting the National Mildew Collection on the Victoria Line this morning.
— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) January 8, 2014
So yes. Go follow them all! As you've probably gathered, these are all women I admire, both for their Twitter wit and actual real life careers. People I'd like to be, I suppose. Potentially excluding Her Maj, but ya know, she does say Prince Harry's up for going on Take Me Out, so there may be a way into the Royal fam for me yet...
Alison has been working in the coveted field of women’s magazines for over ten years. During that time, she’s worked as a web editor for TOTP mag (loved it), an executive editor for more! mag (loved it) and the multi-channel editor – or “resident geek”, to use her own words – at LOOK mag (love it!) In her last role, Alison oversaw the brand's digital platforms' strategy and content, including the Look.co.uk website, iPad editions, social media and Look What I'm Wearing app. Wow, I know.
Around her high-flying job, Alison somehow manages to run her award-winning blog, Not Another Mummy Blog, which she started whilst on maternity leave. I met Alison when I did my work experience in the fashion department at more! mag (RIP), where she asked me to write the first in their series of work experience blogs - just one example of how Alison is always encouraging the next generation. She kindly took the time to chat to me:
1. Hi Alison. Tell us a bit about what you do.
I'm deputy editor of a new fashion brand customer magazine - being sent out to customers each month. I help the smooth running of the team, edit copy and help sort out any issues that may arise day to day.
2. You've had a long, successful (and very enviable) career in glossy women's mags, was that always the industry you wanted to work in?
I originally wanted to work in TV. But then aged 16 I realised my dream job was Editor of Smash Hits so I did everything I could to break into magazines.
3. How did you get into the industry?
I went to the University of Greenwich to do a Media and Communications course. That taught me the basics and showed me how much competition there was for the few jobs out there. So while studying, I applied for as many work experience placements as possible. I wanted to stand out from the crowd so I used to send my CV folded up inside a CD case and designed a CD cover for it. It seemed to work and I was invited to do placements at teen magazines like TV Hits and Big.
When I graduated, I emailed every magazine and website I could, offering to work for free over the summer. I know there is debate over whether companies should take on unpaid staff but I genuinely wanted to work for free that summer.
I knew that if I could show people what I could do, it might lead on to a job. I was right - I worked for TOTP website for a couple of months and then I was offered a job there.
4. That's brilliant! Is working in magazines really how films like The Devil Wears Prada would have us believe?
Nothing like it! Magazine offices vary, from scruffy and mouse-ridden to polished and sleek, but they all have one thing in common – they’re messy. There’s paper and magazines everywhere and everyone has tons of stuff under their desks (usually promotional things they’ve been sent… and loads of pairs of heels.)
Every editor I’ve worked for has been very friendly and nothing like Miranda Priestly. Interns may get sent out to get coffee, but they also get looked after by the staff and get to attend photo shoots and come to post-work drinks.
5. From my experince, I definitely agree with that. Do you think traditional glossy magazines still have a future despite the challenges posed by the internet?
Absolutely. Just like there’s a place in everyone’s lives for radio and TV, there’s a place for magazines and websites. They serve a different purpose – I use the web for a quick fix, for the latest update, and I use magazines for a more considered read. Months of planning and real expertise goes into one issue of a magazine, and it feels like such an indulgent treat to spend time reading one.
6. Absolutely. You’ve done a lot of work with bringing women’s mags to new digital platforms - have you ever faced difficulties being a woman in a techie online world? I don’t see myself as working in a techie online world, I just work in the world. The world is a techie place! The teams I’ve worked in, in the past like More and Look, have mostly been women, so it’s all been extremely supportive. I grew the More Facebook community to be the largest of any UK womens mag and it led to the crowdsourced Facebook Issue of the mag, which received massive press coverage.
I love what people like Belinda Parmar from Little Miss Geek is doing to encourage girls to get into tech and I’m a bit obsessed with the idea of Decoded, which teaches you to code in a day (set up by a woman – Kathryn Parsons). There’s loads of really positive stuff going on with women and tech which is exciting.
7. Sounds great! Now let’s talk about blogging. How do you manage to juggle your job, being a mum and running your highly successful blog?
I’m not sure! To be honest, I’ve had moments in the past where it’s all been a bit too much and I’ve had to step back from the blogging a bit to focus on my job and family. I try to be organised in all areas, so spending one evening a week working on blog posts, which I schedule for that week, and spending my train journeys to and from work dealing with blog emails.
When I’m at work, I don’t think about my blog, I try to separate it all in my head. Likewise when I’m spending time with my daughter, I focus on her. 8. It seems like everyone has a blog nowadays, and more people are starting their own every day - what are your top tips for making your blog stand out?
Try to do something different with your blog. Don’t just copy what everyone else is doing. Establish a clear voice and be consistent. Whether you’re a fashion, beauty, parent or tech blogger, find out who the big hitters are and follow them. Seek out any networks or groups (eg in parent blogging we have Britmums and Tots 100) that may have useful resources. And try not to be too “bloggy” – if you want your blog to be read by non-bloggers, don’t do too many memes or linkys. 9. That's great advice! And finally, what advice would you give to those of us hoping to follow in your footsteps and break into the world of women’s magazines?
Have an “I will do anything” attitude. I’ve seen too many young people who think they can come into a magazine, work from 9am-5pm and do all the fun stuff. It’s not like that – you need to be the kind of person who’ll say YES to everything with a big smile, be prepared to work late and do lots of boring tasks. It’s those people who impress everyone and who are quickly given more responsibility and more fun tasks to do. When I was starting out, I said yes to everything – even if it scared me. I cancelled plans in order to work late, and did everything I could to impress my bosses.
Welcome to my Inspiring, Interesting Interview Series. Over the past few years, I've had the good fortune to meet and work with some incredible people. They've all inspired me, and I hope you find these interviews as thoroughly fascinating as I have. First up, say hello to a total superwoman...
An Oxford graduate, Tanya Goodin is founder & CEO of award-winning digital marketing agency Tamar. Based in London since 1995, Tamar has been at the forefront of its field for 18 years and now has offices in Cape Town and Shanghai too. Tanya is a real internet pioneer and has always had a keen eye for the next big thing: she developed enterprise websites before ecommerce existed, optimised for search engines while the google founders were still in school, and discussed the crucial role of user generated content before Facebook even had a business model. All that and she always looks immeasurably glam.
Tanya was a finalist in the Blackberry Outstanding Women in Technology in 2008 and a London regional finalist for the Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year in 2007. She is always on the ball when it comes to new social media trends, and was named one of Revolution Magazine’s Top Tweeters in 2009. I follow her; I can vouch for the fact that she’s great. Tanya kindly took the time to have a chat to me about social media, starting your own digital business and being a techie woman:
We're a digital marketing agency so that means we use digital communication methods (all online, no TV or print) to help brands sell and communicate with their customers.
Did you always know you wanted to start your own business?
Always! I was that classic child selling homemade lemonade from a table outside my house at 5 or 6 years old and flogging off old clothes and toys to neighbours to make money. I knew I was fascinated by the business world at a very early age, no idea why as no-one else in my family was.
Setting up a new company is always scary, but was it particularly nerve-wracking to do so with a digital agency at a time when the Internet was still kicking off (Tanya founded Tamar just five years after the internet was invented!)?
Not so much nerve-wracking as intensely frustrating. In the UK no-one really GOT the internet at that stage and so I spent rather too much time on educating people WHY it was going to be an amazing new communication medium when I really wanted to be moving on much more quickly to WHAT it could do for them and HOW to do it. It felt like everyone took FAR too long to catch-on in the early years. I probably launched about five years too early looking back now. But once I saw my first website (in about 1993) I knew there was nothing else I wanted to do.
Do you think it's harder or easier to set up an online company now?
It's still an easy business area to launch in from a capital and expenditure point of view. You really do only need a laptop and broadband connection to launch a business, you don't need a huge pot of investment capital. But in some ways it's a lot harder, coming up with a new and unique business idea now when the market is SO crowded with great businesses is tough. When I launched, the fact that I had an online business at ALL was amazing to many people. It didn't really matter what we were planning to do, we stood out just because we were THERE. Which was good because in the early days I really didn't have a clue what we were doing.
How do you think social media has changed the way companies build their brands online?
It's been a great leveller and it's taken power from brands and handed it right to consumers. The days when a customer complaint could be hushed under the carpet and dealt with via a discreet apology letter are gone. Now every element of a brand's business and the way they deal with customers can be blown right open for the world to see. It does mean consumers have become very powerful, they can make or break brands. And it also means brands have to learn to be more open, transparent and, that awful Americanism - 'authentic', about the way they do business or risk being found out. It's been a power for good, I strongly feel that.
What are the online trends we should be looking out for?
The Internet started with text on a screen, it's been about WORDS for a very long time, but the moving image is now taking over. As the lines between work, play, education and entertainment become blurred we're all going to be watching a lot more video online. People are sadly forgetting how to write as a result (I'm an English graduate, I care about this stuff).
The trend of everyone being the custodian of their own 'brand' will continue. If you're starting out now in the world you need to find and register your own domain name and networks and keep a close watch on your social 'footprint' from an early age. My generation could make all our growing-up mistakes in private (thank goodness). Your generation won't have that luxury. Things you do now can come back to haunt you in 20/30 years. Think very carefully about what you do online as a result.
Social media is going to continue to develop and go in new directions that we've never even thought of. Brands like Pinterest and Instagram are bringing a dimension to our lives that we never even anticipated a few years ago. I feel it's making us all a lot more creative, we're all content curators and photographers and editors. It's only going to get more exciting.
Do you think it's harder for women in the typically male world of technology? Have you faced difficulties as a woman?
The beauty of the online world is that it's 'sex irrelevant'. I can honestly say it's never been a disadvantage to me being a woman in digital. It may even have been an advantage as in a very male-dominated world I've always stood out a bit. I actually thing technology is very female-friendly as an industry, it enables the kind of flexibility of working that benefits you if you're juggling a business and a family. It's been a GREAT industry for me to be in and I'm really keen to encourage more women to consider it.
What advice would you give to wannabe digital entrepreneurs?
Just DO it. I didn't spend hours working out a finely-honed business plan and debating all the pros and cons when I started. I went with my gut instinct that it was the right industry for me and jumped right in. I made up a lot as I went along, and you have to be prepared to make swift u-turns and go off in another direction if something isn't working, but I've never ever for a moment regretted running my own business. It's been an incredibly rewarding path to have trodden and even after 18 years I'm still excited every morning at the thought of what the day will bring. How many people in the corporate world can say that?
