The craziest New Year diets ever!

So it's January 1st. If you're anything like me, you will probably be feeling like a general slob of a fat blob. Just like this time every year. Luckily, nearly every single magazine, newspaper and website is bombarding us with detox, diet and fitness options. So obvs I'm not going to give you another. We have plenty.

However, what I have written for studentbeans.com is an article with a different approach. I give you: The 9 craziest New Year diets of all time. I do not recommend you do them, but they make for some interesting reading, if I do say so myself. 

As ever, here's a taster for my oh so lovely blog readers:

"Looking for a way to slim down after a prolonged festive binge? Well, probably don't try any of these...

Christmas is over. Your jeans are tighter than they were back in November. It’s inevitable. At this time of year most people are looking for an easy way to shift those festive pounds (which were so worth it for the mince pies, chocolates and mulled wine, am I right?), and there are all sorts of supposed miracle diets thrust in our faces.

No-one wants to be the student with the newly pudgy face that everyone's whispering about in the library (when they should be revising for their January exams). While we’re not saying following one of these is a good idea or will turn you into a bean pole in a week, apparently some people (yes celebrities, I'm talking about you) will try anything in a bid to slim back into their jeans.

1. The Cotton Ball Diet

This is exactly as it sounds – you eat cotton balls. The idea is that cotton balls are very low-calorie and yet will fill you up as they’re so fluffy. Unfortunately, cotton balls are completely devoid of any nutritional value whatsoever, not to mention THEY’RE NOT FOOD AND SHOULDN’T BE EATEN.

2. The Breatharianism Diet

On the Breatharianism diet all you get to consume is your own breath. Yes, really. No food. No drink. Just your own breath. I would like to make it clear that studentbeans.com is by no means recommending this diet as it is highly likely to lead to an unfortunate end.

3. The Hallelujah Diet

According to this diet, you should only eat foods mentioned in Genesis Chapter 1, verse 29 of the Bible. It’s basically a vegan diet, and you’re only allowed to cook 15% of your food. Apparently, this is the original diet God intended for mankind, but the chances are that any associated weightloss is down to eating healthily rather than the fact that God decreed it. It’s also a little bit awkward that in Genesis Chapter 3, verse 9, God goes back on his word and gives us all meat as well…

4. The Baby Food Diet

Apparently Jennifer Aniston ate 14 portions of baby food every day in preparation for filming Just Go With It and successfully lost 7lbs in a week! The diet is basically healthy food (like porridge and fruit), but puréed, and is most likely to result in weightloss purely because 14 pots of baby food adds up to about 1,000 calories, which is half what an average woman should consume each day. However, buying individual pots of baby food is not a cheap option, so if the thought of mushed up pasta hasn’t put you off already, the pain this could cause your wallet might just do the trick.

5. The Tapeworm Diet

No you didn’t read that incorrectly. On this ‘diet’ you have to swallow a tapeworm and let it grow in your intestines, eating up some of the calories you’ve consumed. Seriously. I don't think we need to say any more on this one."

And to read the rest of the article, I'd be honoured if you'd click through to studentbeans.com here. Happy dieting, you nutters!