Hi. My name's Rachel, and I seem to be a bit obsessed with food. I want to
make one thing very clear from the start: I know I’m not fat. Got that? Good. I’ve
ummed and ahhed for a long time about whether to post this blog or not, and
it’s quite personal, so please be nice, OK? Not that many people talk about this kind of stuff.
For anyone who
doesn’t know me, let me catch you up quickly: By my mid-teens, I’d got a bit chubby. By my late-teens, I’d
successfully slimmed down (
which you can read about here), purely by healthy
eating and exercise – I never skipped a meal or cut out carbs or anything
drastic like that. Then at one point, I decided I was actually a little thinner
than I wanted to be (yes, really), so I let myself put on a bit of weight and all was great
in the world. I was slim, and – I’m not going to lie – really happy with my
figure, which gave me a real sense of confidence.
Then I went
to uni. Classic error in the quest to remain slim. By the end of my fresher
year, I’d put on a little weight. Obvs. ('Freshers 15' anyone?) ‘No
big problem’, I thought to myself, ‘Now
I’m home I can get everything back on track’. But by the end of the summer holidays I’d put on yet more weight. Oops. ‘Oh,
well now I’m going back to uni, and as I’ll be cooking for myself this year,
I’m sure I can curb this weight gain’. Only I didn’t. I’ve come back home for
Christmas bigger still, but this time I didn’t even try to tell myself I won’t
gain weight this holiday, because it’s Christmas, after all. *pauses to think whilst munching a Quality Street*
It was
pretty depressing a few weeks ago when I tried to put on a dress I hadn’t worn
for a few months, only to find it no longer fits. We've all been there though, haven't we? I know it’s not all about
what the scales say, but I went on the Wii Fit for the first time in a few
months the other day, and it told me I’ve gained 11 lbs. Not ideal. This was
pre-Christmas feasting too.
The scary
thing is that time and time again I’ve told myself ‘This is it. C’mon Rachel, get it under control’ and yet I haven’t.
I know I’m not fat or overweight at all, but I don’t want to keep gaining
weight. Not only is it unhealthy, but I worked so damn hard to slim down in the
first place that I don’t want it all to have been for nothing (if for a couple
of years being slim). Quite frankly, I have no bloody idea how I lost the
weight at all a few years ago. Oh, to have the metabolism of a 17 year old again, eh?
Part of the
problem, I think, is my thrifty mindset. Damn you, student lifestyle. I have it drilled into my brain that
if food is free, I mustn’t say no. So whenever I’m offered anything, I take it.
(Please, never take me to a buffet. They are fatal.) Mostly, I tend to eat pretty
healthy meals, but then I’ll graze, snack and binge on chocolates and sugary
treats. Curse you, sweet tooth.
Here’s
another factor: because I’m not actually overweight and I used to be slim, most
people are all too keen to feed me up. If I’m in a group, they will nearly
always encourage me to keep eating, and shove the bag of Maltesers under my
nose, even when they know we’d all feel better if we didn’t eat our 100th
one. But quite frankly it really annoys me when people are like this
(encouraging others to do what’s not best for them), and I think they just do
it to feel better about themselves for eating/not going to the
gym/procrastinating with an essay.
In most areas of my life, I’m really proactive and I take control.
If there’s something I don’t like, I’ll set my mind to it and sort it out. I’ve
always hated people (OK, hated is a bit of a strong word) who moan about
something – often their figures – and then don’t do anything about it, even
when (as Paddy McGuinness would say) the power is in their hands. Now I’m one
of those people.
There are
people who will be reading this thinking ‘Why
do you even care? God, it’s not a big deal! Why obsess so much about what you
look like?’ But the fact of the matter is that being in good shape and
healthy is important. Not only that, it’s about feeling good in yourself. It’s not for men or to try and get a boyfriend, it’s for myself.
And I think every woman (and man for that matter) should have control over
their bodies. Quite frankly, if I can’t be in the shape I want to be in aged
20, what hope is there for the rest of my life? Older people always say that
it’s so much harder to lose weight when you’re old. Depressing.com
I’m not going to deprive myself of anything (after all, this is
basically a blog about cake half the time!), but I think the trick is to eat
in moderation and develop some willpower again. We’ve still got all sorts of
yummy Christmas goodies in the house, Quality Street everywhere, and big family
parties coming up over the festive season, so obviously I’m not going to miss
out on such yumminess, I just need to be sensible. For example, maybe I should
try to have three chocolates a day instead of six. Easier said than done though... *tries oh-so-hard not to reach for the Quality Street tin again*
At this time of year, a lot of us try to make these healthy resolutions. We need to
show food who’s boss. It’s not like I don’t know a lot about nutrition, fitness
and how to lose weight. I just need to put it into practice again. But it’s bloody
hard, isn't it?
Word on the
street is that willpower is like a muscle – the more you use it, the easier it
becomes to resist further. From my experience, I’d say that sounds about right.
I just need to start building up that muscle again, which is the hardest bit.
As
far as I’m concerned, it’s good to enjoy delicious food, but it’s not right to
obsess. We need to find the balance. All
I really want is to have a healthy relationship with both food and my body, and
I know I’m the only one who can take control, make the change and do it.
Hopefully there are other people out there who can relate to all this, as I’ve kind
of laid myself bare. Tomorrow I’m going to buy my annual post-Christmas copy of
Zest magazine for some healthy inspiration, probably eat some
Stollen/Pfefferkuchen/chocolate flapjacks, but hopefully not too many, and try
to remember what will make me happiest in the long run. LET'S TAKE CONTROL AND BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY, YEAH!?